Squirrel, Thy Time Runneth Out

Why are there so many squirrels in the world? They always hurry, yet rarely seem to get anywhere. They run, jump from tree to tree, wasting time until their time stops forever, squished on the road under a car's tires, then spray-painted red and duct-taped to a hat.

Squirrels don't wear watches and so are always late to dinner. If you listen to the squirrels at 5:00, or rather a few minutes after, you can hear the chattering of squirrel wives scolding their squirrel husbands, angry that they are again late.

Squirrels are always late to dinner, so you never see any fat squirrels, even though nuts are fattening. And of course, squirrels get even thinner when squished.

But if you listen very carefully to the chatter, you can hear that the squirrel wives are really glad their squirrel husbands didn't get run over by a car.

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