The Rules of Living
compiled by Bethany Kanfer
Disclaimer: if you contribute to The Rules of Living, I reserve the right to edit your rules and not credit you.
(Yes, I know this runs contrary toR51, but, oh well, R107.)
  1. Smile and nod. Grin blankly. Shifty eyes.
  2. Never interfere with sibling rivalries.
  3. Never make fun of anyone's childhood memories.
  4. Some tactful teasing is always acceptable in friendly circumstances.
  5. Give everyone a chance to explain, but not excuse.
  6. Don't bristle at the techniques you yourself use.
  7. Age brings knowledge, wisdom, and the ability to call others by youthful terms.
  8. Don't take others' names.
  9. If you make a name your name, it becomes your name.
  10. Don't get caught.
  11. Risky things can be fun, but don't do things that set yourself up for inevitable trouble.
  12. Ignore. It's safer that way.
  13. Justice is worthy of pursuance.
  14. You may be intelligent, but you must not be smart.
  15. Don't tell people what you don't know. You'll usually be wrong.
  16. Don't be stupid.
  17. Don't try to find the morons. Run before they find you.
  18. Don't insult yourself.
  19. People can be idiots.
  20. If you're crazy then you're crazy.
  21. Listen. You might learn something.
  22. It's often funnier at the time.
  23. Sometimes, the stupid things are the most fun.
  24. Silliness is easier in groups.
  25. Stupid things stop being funny quickly.
  26. Things are rarely funny both at the time and in retrospect.
  27. Ya gotta know when to stop.
  28. Quiet. It's for your own good.
  29. Some things are better left unsaid.
  30. There's no point in being mysterious if you have to repeat yourself.
  31. Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember your story.
  32. Lying is telling fiction in order to deceive. Telling stories for enjoyment is different.
  33. When you don't understand, blabber on about something else.
  34. When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, go ahead, give them your two cents.
  35. Yelling 'excuse me' does not mean everyone has to move.
  36. Say things simply. You will be better understood.
  37. Don't give too much information.
  38. Don't over-explain.
  39. Yelling does not make you better understood.
  40. Swears are only swears because people make them swears.
  41. Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.
  42. It's hard to swear at someone who isn't listening.
  43. Don't be afraid of questions- or answers.
  44. The answer to a question might be another question.
  45. Respect others' secrets.
  46. Coherent sentences.
  47. The passive voice is to be avoided.
  48. Sometimes it's just best to ignore.
  49. It's easier to talk about things in the past than the present.
  50. Thou shalt not whine.
  51. Give credit where credit is due.
  52. Don't take credit that isn't due you.
  53. Don't give others names that aren't theirs.
  54. Nothing can detract from the enjoyment of garlic bread.
  55. If your artificially cheese-flavored synthetic corn product is better than another's artificially cheese-flavored synthetic corn product, say so. Loudly.
  56. Never take out SkittlesTM in English class.
  57. Food is sacred.
  58. Curly fries are a divinely inspired food.
  59. The rice and raisins are in the pudding. The proof is in eating the pudding.
  60. There's nothing wrong with free food.
  61. You can depend on your friends for sanity and proper nutrition.
  62. Some dishes in the sink lead to more dishes in the sink.
  63. You can always have more dessert.
  64. When life gives you lemons, swell up and die.
  65. Tea transcends the boundaries of honor.
  66. Don't get in the way of people carrying food.
  67. Muffins can perk up your day.
  68. Fishes are delicious.
  69. Doom: an important part of this balanced breakfast.
  70. Don't molest the oranges.
  71. Don't molest the lemons either.
  72. If you feel strange about tickling the ears of fate, don't. It bites back.
  73. Reality is for people who lack imagination.
  74. Always be careful when sucking people into your little demented world.
  75. Nothing is impossible.
  76. Fight nicely. No blood on the carpet.
  77. Don't argue, just obey.
  78. When life happens, use late passes.
  79. Truth surpasses all.
  80. Peace, love, and rock and roll are the keys to happiness.
  81. Have patience.
  82. Keep your money, reason, sanity, and a sense of humor, and you can go far.
  83. Always be prepared for the unexpected.
  84. That which doesn't kill you, doesn't kill you.
  85. Plans can change.
  86. Reverse prejudice is still prejudice.
  87. Honesty is to be valued, but not over all else.
  88. A good friend is unlikely to come up behind you, and, shrieking, bury a hatchet in your back.
  89. Having friends protects you from being one of those loners who turn into mass murderers.
  90. Don't take too many shortcuts or you'll end up falling in the goo.
  91. Try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
  92. Trust your instincts.
  93. Sporty girls are sporty girls.
  94. There's nothing wrong with a free wish.
  95. Sleep is good.
  96. All generalizations are false.
  97. You gotta go with what works.
  98. When all else fails, do it yourself.
  99. Life isn't always fair.
  100. You can only count on yourself.
  101. Always watch your back.
  102. A couple of light-years can't keep good friends apart.
  103. No forgetting the rules.
  104. Easier isn't always better.
  105. Simplicity.
  106. Always poofread your work.
  107. The only drug you should get high on is happiness.
  108. You never get out of the loop of life.
  109. You have to know when not to care.
  110. It's hard to poke a running person.
  111. All things are ready, if our minds be so.
  112. You are what you hate.
  113. Wait not. Want now!
  114. Be proactive, not reactive.
  115. When in doubt, shrug.
  116. When in doubt, use a chance cube.
  117. Be careful when you light candles so you don't get smoke up your nose.
  118. It's generally not good to be late.
  119. Don't just survive, live.
  120. To gross someone out, just kiss someone of the same gender.
  121. Always blame the inanimate object.
  122. Never drop your hamster.
  123. Don't throw things out the window.
  124. A title is useless without power.
  125. It's easier to blame someone else.
  126. You can try.
  127. The familiar is always more comfortable.
  128. Carpe noctem.
  129. Someone might always see you.
  130. Don't sleep: the clowns will eat you.
  131. No hyperventilating.
  132. Never part in anger.
  133. It could always be worse- you could have a headache.
  134. Never give up the element of surprise.
  135. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
  136. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
  137. It's never quite how you think.
  138. When walking down the road of life, hitchhike, it's faster.
  139. Life is a near-death experience.
  140. Trust yourself.
  141. To win the world, you can't go slow.
  142. Life isn't fair, but it's fairer than death.
  143. Today is another day.
  144. Reason is reason enough.
  145. Remember the triangle.
  146. Start with the simplest thing.
  147. You can never have too many Waldenbooks gift cards.
  148. Question authority, question reality.
  149. At the end of the day, money is just green paper with funny pictures on it.
  150. They often make you stop doing things you enjoy.
  151. People can be nicer than you think.
  152. Don't bother thinking about what they tell you to. It's boring.
  153. Everything is based on angles. You just need to find them.
  154. There is a delicate balance between time and tact.
  155. Never assume anything. Except in geometry.
  156. Only through understanding can forgiveness occur.
  157. If you want a clear answer, ask a clear question.
  158. The loose end isn't always the way to untie the knot.
  159. Never kiss a shedding cat.
  160. Don't get emotional about stupid things. It's not worth it.
  161. No hurting.
  162. It may not be your fault, but people may still blame you.
  163. If you stay on your toes, you'll be light on more than just your feet.
  164. When a teacher asks for your attention, feel free to say that you're already using yours.
  165. Promises are to be kept.
  166. Know your rights.
  167. You have the right to not be killed.
  168. You have the right to food money.
  169. You have the right to free speech.
  170. You have the right to demand your free buffalo.
  171. Watch Monty Python.
  172. Cats are funny animals.
  173. Pants are funny animals.
  174. Theories are almost always never proven by the experiments.
  175. Be nice.
  176. Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.
  177. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
  178. Serious thinking and crossing the street shouldn't be attempted simultaneously.
  179. Nothing worth saying can be explained with regular words.
  180. It never hurts to put your name on things that you want to get back.
  181. People don't always like to do things when you tell them to do things.
  182. When you're doing something wrong, everything sounds like your mom coming home.
  183. Don't die. It's not good for your health.
  184. It takes 4 lips, 2 mouths, and 2 tongues to kiss.
  185. If you can't be funny, be confusing.
  186. We mortals are but shadows and dust.
  187. A poem is freedom.
  188. Never tell anyone that they have no idea, because they might.
  189. Imagine there's no heaven.
  190. Never stop eating chocolate; quitters never prosper.
  191. Admitting something and hiding behind it are two different things.
  192. Yzzo is infectious.
  193. Question your sanity at every turn, because sooner or later, you'll be right.
  194. Don't make people feel dumb over stupid mistakes.
  195. When you want to do something, do it!
  196. Don't make a fool of the teacher.
  197. When no suitable word exists, make one up.
  198. Know when to stay and when to run away.
  199. If you can read this, thank a teacher.
  200. There is no end. There are only beginnings.

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