1. Ash maps!
2. "If everyone stopped breathing, I wouldn't get a cold!"
3. "That black box is the worst thing in your life. Go home and throw it out the window."
4. COLD!!!
5. Desk Wars!
6. "I haven't given you guys homework in a while. I must be going soft in my old age."
7. "We're moving on to bigger and better things."
8. "Okay, you got really big guns; we'll trade with you."
9. Well, it costs fitty cent, eh? But only on Chewsday."
10. "Please, do not write on my purple sheets."
11. 'Can't watch videos all our lives.'
12. 'Well it all breaks up and they're all killin' each other and there's genocides and all those other lovely things.'
13. 'You are the most pathetic bunch of saps I've seen.'
14. 'Yo!'
15. 'Saps, dude. Saps.'
16. 'Gina, Blair, tag-team duo!'
17. 'It's a different kind of alcohol, so don't try to drink it.'
18. 'Now, for all you guys following along at home....'
19. 'The idea is that kids ended up between their parents.' (talking about Mendel)
20. 'Go to the nurse and check yourself out.'
21. 'Call your mom for a new pair of drawers.'
22. 'The printing press was bigger than the internet!'
23. 'What do I do when I have to change the diaper, hose it down or something?'
24. 'I told my wife that I'm not going to know what to do with it until I can throw a ball at it.' (the baby)
25. 'I was taking hits off the inhaler like a crack junkie.'
26. 'The Jews were not liked back then. But there's reasons for it!'
27. 'Not valid reasons, but reasons.'
28. 'There's good staples and there's bad staples. And these are the bad ones.'
29. 'Mrs. Monte-saurus'
30. Ahh! Green Hawaiian shirt! It's hideous!
31. 'At the end of the dinner, for dessert, they gave him some lead.'
32. 'You look different, smell different, let's kill 'em.'
33. 'Those people decide that you use a different alphabet, let's kill 'em.'
34. 'They swang this way....'
35. 'How do you say that in French?'
36. 'Who was it that finally invaded Hitler? ...invaded Poland, that would be Hitler.
37. 'It's like a dead battery jump-starting a dead battery.'
38. 'Bethany's cheating! She's got her notebook open!' 'This is not my notebook. Would you like to see it, Mr. Ash? I'm sure you'll recognize all of it.'
39. 'This is normal people: (bell curve) This is you guys: (inverse bell curve)'
40. "Maeve the Greek goddess started a war with her husband because she had a better cow."
41. "You have three minutes to save France!"
42. "All of our exports go to foreign countries. No, only some of them do. Some of them go to Canada.
43. "Blossoms of death!"
44. "Those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it. I guess tha means if you don't pass the course, you have to repeat it next year."
45. "Jessica, do you support women's suffrage?" "No!"
46. "Jessica, you're on the FBI's watch list!" "Why?" "Oh, I sent you a postcard from Cuba."
47. "Every religion goes through its human sacrifice period."

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