The List of Bonillo
  1. These things they teach in school? Hah, hah, hah! Sins, all of them!
  2. You hate popcorn. Are you communist?
  3. Come swim in me and die!
  4. Your assignment, while I'm getting my hair done....
  5. I felt sorry for him, because he had a Greek for a brother.
  6. We've been married for how long, and you're Greek? It's over. Goodbye.
  7. I feel like I'm writing with a monkey.
  8. She has legs!
  9. Remember, kids, if you're thinking about yesterday, you're thinking about history!
  10. Whiskey farmers!
  11. They fought to the bitter teeth... not wooden.
  12. That was a real kick in the teeth... again, not wooden.
  13. Don't forget the pie.
  14. How come you can tell people you're in the Secret Service if it's secret?
  15. Purple giraffes....
  16. And then the potato gin comes along....
  17. Sectional tension!
  18. Ladies and gentlemen, shut up!
  19. It's easily A-able.
  20. DBQ's are living things!
  21. I'm in touch with my feminine side!
  22. There are several things I'm going to do today which you won't like, such as collecting your essays. But there are also several things I'm going to do today which you will like, such as not collecting your essays.
  23. This is for your benefit. The less time we have for your benefit, the less benefit you get.
  24. That was corny like a field in Nebraska.
  25. I'm not a horrible teacher. I'm a horrible person.
  26. Hey class! Hey kids! Hey group of adolescent fools!
  27. Good, bad, and ugly. Or, should I say, good, bad, and Greek.
  28. Because Morphine is... very nice.
  29. The most important staff members in school are the lunch ladies.
  30. I love the world. The world is fantastic. That's why I don't want to ruin it with school.
  31. My friend tried drugs and went criminally insane and tried to kill himself, but now he's on drugs for it.
  32. There are plenty fat gay men.
  33. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I won't be here on Friday. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance....
  34. They put me on Percoset. No Morphine, but Percoset is... very nice.
  35. He looked like a doofy, uneducated 16-year-old kid... he looked like you!
  36. I was on the crucifying table.
  37. I come behind home dish....
  38. Makin' Little League kids cry is the best part of my life.
  39. Now it's making high school kids cry that I enjoy. So we'll start with that.
  40. Fifteen hundred dollars for a leather boustier? It lifts and separates!
  41. I actually am a huge fan of Greeks.
  42. No thanks. I'll pass. But it was a rippin' good time!
  43. I don't care what's fair. This is not a democracy. This is a dictatorship. And I am a dic...tator.
  44. Greeks? It's more of a culture than a diss. They diss themselves just by existing.
  45. Heart rates are not good.
  46. Move to Texas? Golly gee, that sounds fantastic. Can we bring the Lord?
  47. Welcome to Day Four of Ugly Shoe Bonillo.
  48. My whole room had flatulence issues.
  49. Run, child, run! But not so fast that you lose your function.
  50. That would hurt like a motherless goat! ...Not that I know what a motherless goat hurts like....
  51. You are a piece of paper.
  52. That's basically giving in to the system... and that's not cool.
  53. The Golden Seal of disapproval!
  54. I won't be talking to inanimate objects... I'll edit that part out.
  55. Guys? Maybe you don't realize this now, but suit shopping? Very cool.
  56. This suit is... very nice. Not quite like Percoset, but still... very nice.
  57. I might be an idiot, but at least I know and accept it.
  58. Jesus Christ, man! I mean, Mother of Mercy, man! I mean, that's why, see.
  59. "Why don't you put an ant trap down?" "Maybe I like creatures of God sharing my room. Maybe they keep me company in the lonely world of teaching."
  60. The definition of popular is Mr. Bonillo.
  61. I'm sorry. I apologise for... me.
  62. Northern apple-itionists!
  63. He was like Jesus for abolition!
  64. If I see things fly, heads will roll. And they will roll in the form of office detentions.
  65. No, I don't have a yearbook, but I do have a day planner.
  66. That is what sustains me through the video. It's not that it's a great video, it's that he's there going "aoum."
  67. "Is that a bribe?" "That is definitely a bribe."
  68. If you get stuff on the floor, you will be swarmed by ants.
  69. In an attempt to ease you back into the school environment, I'm going to give you tons of work.
  70. If you are yourself in general, you will get a detention.
  71. I'm not here to trick you, I'm just here to make you fail.
  72. I will not take away your poker chips. You will not take my poker chips. These are not real poker chips.
  73. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm an arrogant son of a bitch.
  74. I would like to explain several things to you. First of all, I am a teaching god.
  75. "You violated my poker chips!" "Dude! You can't violate poker chips!" "Apparently you can."
  76. I've changed my motto: I live to steal poker chips!
  77. That was an honorful thing.
  78. I apologise for my idiocracies.
  79. If people don't like Bush, they make fun of him, they even make websites dedicated to the fact that Bush is a moron.
  80. This is national Fabio Day.
  81. Look mommy! I have legs!
  82. Welcome to today's class of movie heaven.
  83. "I won't take your poker chips." "What if I don't like poker chips?" "Well, what's your favorite fruit?" "Cherries." "Okay, I won't take your cherry."

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