Insults for Living
Mostly by (or at least about) Ryan Battista
Compiled by Bethany Kanfer
- You're not the brightest tree in the shed, are you?
- You have the mental facilities of a dog.
- I have talked to rocks smarter than you.
- You cannot open your mouth without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge, every time you speak, we all get a little dumber.
- I would rather have my skull devoured by demons than associate with you.
- You're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
- You're pathetic even for a human.
- I look at you and I see the final triumph of stupidity in the world.
- You use your wit, but only half of it.
- You wouldn't know a joke if it hit you in the funny bone.
- You're the best thing since sliced tea.
- When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks.
- I love you more today than tomorrow.
- I like you as much as I like myself, only less.
- You're not the sharpest button on the beach, are you?
- You're not the sharpest grape in the bunch, are you?
- You're not stupid. You're just dumb.
- You think you're so smart now, but in a few short years, you'll be serving me fries.
- You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
- You're not the sharpest hunk of cheese.
- Bet you got a negative number on your SATs.
- If you were any dumber, we'd have to water you twice a week.
- You're a taco short of a combo plate.
- The room temperature is higher than your IQ.
- You're not the quickest tractor on the farm.
- You're a bad staple.
- Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you abuse the privelage.
- You move like a pregnant yak.
- You move like a baboon with two club feet.
- The seasons move faster than you.
- You drive like a monkey in heat.
- You're mealy-mouthed!
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