Insults for Living
Mostly by (or at least about) Ryan Battista
Compiled by Bethany Kanfer
  1. You're not the brightest tree in the shed, are you?
  2. You have the mental facilities of a dog.
  3. I have talked to rocks smarter than you.
  4. You cannot open your mouth without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge, every time you speak, we all get a little dumber.
  5. I would rather have my skull devoured by demons than associate with you.
  6. You're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
  7. You're pathetic even for a human.
  8. I look at you and I see the final triumph of stupidity in the world.
  9. You use your wit, but only half of it.
  10. You wouldn't know a joke if it hit you in the funny bone.
  11. You're the best thing since sliced tea.
  12. When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks.
  13. I love you more today than tomorrow.
  14. I like you as much as I like myself, only less.
  15. You're not the sharpest button on the beach, are you?
  16. You're not the sharpest grape in the bunch, are you?
  17. You're not stupid. You're just dumb.
  18. You think you're so smart now, but in a few short years, you'll be serving me fries.
  19. You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
  20. You're not the sharpest hunk of cheese.
  21. Bet you got a negative number on your SATs.
  22. If you were any dumber, we'd have to water you twice a week.
  23. You're a taco short of a combo plate.
  24. The room temperature is higher than your IQ.
  25. You're not the quickest tractor on the farm.
  26. You're a bad staple.
  27. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you abuse the privelage.
  28. You move like a pregnant yak.
  29. You move like a baboon with two club feet.
  30. The seasons move faster than you.
  31. You drive like a monkey in heat.
  32. You're mealy-mouthed!

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