Got Milk?
Jonathan Simon

The thunder in the background vibrated against the walls. The curtains flew in the darkness, their shapes creating shadows that lurked throughout the rooms. A black cat crawled onto a table in the dining room, and sat. The old paintings on the walls watched as I ran into the house. They were on my tail; I locked the windows, and fell to the floor breathing as if it was my last breath. They were coming for me, it wasn't my fault. The milk factory had closed thanks to Wal*Mart who took it out of business. Scratching against the door the cats meowed for me. Then I saw it. Out of the corner of my eye, my cat Blackjack purred, and crossed his arms like he was in a hip-hop video. He wouldn't stop singing the Meow Mix song. I clutched onto my ears, and got to my feet. He turned around, lifted his tail, aimed. A smile glazed across his face like the cat in Alice in Wonderland, and fired. I screamed, and got it in the face. My body jolted back, and went through the wall to the next room. I was covered in cat crap, from my toes to my feet. Shit all over me like I had just been slimed on Double Dare. I spit some up, and gagged at the sight. Blackjack gave out an enormous meow, and fell to the floor kicking his feet. One by one the cats outside purred with resentment of Blackjack, instead of spraying me with urine, he did number two! I got to my feet as one by one the cats jumped against the window trying to break it. Each time they tried they would hit, arms and legs spread, then slide off. Blackjack was meowing on his back, but when he saw me he got up. I guess we were even now. I fixed him, and then he decided to fix me, by going pooh on me. I looked back to the window, as a fire truck began to come up my driveway. Dalmatians were tied up in the back, and the cats were driving. An orange one got out and walked towards the rear. The hose came out, and fired. Shit from every direction was propelled out at my house. On impact the windows shattered, and my pool was filled with it. One by one the cats meowed as their bones began to show, and their faces shrunk to look like a mouse's head and then fell to the grass which was littered with crap. My home was now a septic tank. A drop of crap fell to the crap next to me, as I got to my feet. Blackjack was against the wall with a paw over his nose. Oh shit.

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